Writing Journal

[clairavance]

Dear Diary,
I don't know where to begin.
Mom is gone, along with my brother, and so is Dad. The nightmares won't stop either. Sometimes I reach them in time, sometimes I don't, but they always end up dead. Sometimes I'm the monster slicing their heads off. Last night I dreamt that Dante was the one who killed them. He just used his hands and snapped their necks, and he was watching me with this sick smile while he was doing it. It was horrible.

I think he thinks I hate him. But I don't. I don't feel anything really. He tries to make friends with me and stuff but it's all to try and get me to talk to him. I don't want to talk about it. I want to forget about it.

Vergil says if I don't want to talk then I have to write. He said something about my aura stinking up the house. I don't even know what an aura is, but I thought I'd try it anyway. I don't want Sparda to tell me to go away because I stink. He and Eva have been fighting a lot lately. I know it's because of me. But I don't want them to send me away. I want to be by Eva. Dante said I have nothing to worry about, that Eva is queen in the house. But doesn't that make Sparda the king? I thought kings were higher in rank than queens.

This is weird. I don't see how keeping a diary is going to help me.

[clairavance]

Dear Diary,
My author has forgotten how old I'm supposed to be in this chapter. She thinks I'm still quite young so I'm writing like a kid would, or how she thinks a kid would write...or something. She confuses me. She's also telling me that she's going to cut this out from the story, but I don't care.

It still hurts waking up every morning. Eva brings me breakfast in bed and that helps a little. She wants me to go everywhere and do everything with her. She's already taught me new ways to paint. Yesterday we painted the big tree in the backyard with the swing on it. It was okay. I don't see how painting trees is going to help me. Anyway. My arms have started itching. Eva said it's because they're healing and that it's a good sign. This morning my fingers were itchy on the inside. Like an annoying tingly feeling, like when my foot falls asleep. But Eva said the itchiness is good, so I'm just hoping it goes away real soon.

This afternoon something bad happened. I don't know what exactly. All I heard was this huge crash from the ballroom, and the ground moved under me, and then there was an awfully loud and scary sound like...I don't know, like a big lion roaring. But it didn't really sound like a lion. It didn't sound like anything I've ever heard before. And then I heard Dante scream from the room.He screams like a girl. It was a really quick scream but almost as loud as the roaring. And then I heard Eva shouting at Sparda, and Vergil told me to follow him to the back room behind the kitchen, and he locked the door. When I asked him what was going on, all he said was that Dante must have done something stupid again. And then Dante was knocking on the door because he wanted to come into the room with us, and he was crying, but Vergil wouldn't open the door for him. And then I think Dante went outside because I heard the screendoor slam shut, and I heard these really big heavy thumps go by the door. Vergil showed me to stay quiet. We didn't leave the room until Eva asked us to come out, and I haven't seen Dante for the rest of the day. He didn't even come down for supper tonight. And no one will tell me what's going on.

Eva said we have to sleep in the study tonight. She said it's because the fireplace is in this room and it gets too cold in the other rooms. Just for the rest of the winter, until it gets warmer. Vergil is already asleep. My cot-bed is on the other side of the fireplace, opposite his. I just hope he doesn't snore.
I heard Sparda and Eva go to their room ten minutes ago. The house is really creepy when it's quiet.
I think I hear Dante crying.

[clairavance]

*sigh*
Dear Diary
There is a face that keeps revolving in a circle at the top of the screen.
It's kinda freaky.
Then it looks like my mother after she's had a facial, and the next it looks like some hot chic I might like to-

Mix that's disgusting. And incredibly random.

Isn't that what diaries are for? Musing over little irrelevant things that don't really matter because you can't say it out loud?

This isn't an actual diary.

The previous two entries say otherwise.

*facepalms muse out of the way*

So!
Life sucks, but then that's nothing new. Things are draining me emotionally, personal issues I'd rather not discuss in depth as I'm having a tough time accepting it as it is. This is having a really confusing, conflicting effect on my writing. I want to write but I don't. It's not writers block. This is something different. Like, I want to write, I know what to write, but the drive to actually do so is just...not present. I'll sit down and I might write a word, if I'm lucky. Then I save and exit and go waste my time somewhere else. Which, in turn, is frustrating me to no end. Having that creativity bite you and not being able to relieve it? That's how writers go crazy. I'm so sure of it that I can bet my bag of candy on it.

-oO-You don't have a bag of candy.

Exactly!!!

Anyway. So this DMC fan I tracked down on facebook, has a talent for poetry, I asked him to write an ode to Sparda for me about two-three weeks ago via Bebo. He was last active on his page for nearly a year, I think, so I actually didn't expect a response. Which is why I asked Zany to write one for me instead, and I think he said he'd have it ready by this weekend. I'll ask him about it next week, I'm in no rush and I don't like badgering other writers much anyway (especially if they're doing something for me).

But now I've had this guy respond and say yeah, he's read my fic (he actually took the effort to read the whole thing) and he'll try come up with something. By his tone I don't think he's going to give me exactly what I want, because his definition of hope is at odds with what I want in the ode. But we'll see how it goes.

I'm sure I'll probably use Zany's, because he is just...brilliant, and our writing styles are quite similar, so it's a given his ode will fit snug as a bug with my writing. But I could always use the other ode in another fic. I've got so many fan projects I'm working on, I'm sure I can squeeze it in somewhere anyway.

So, I got another request from a reader on when I'll be updating Order of Sparda, I got another story alert and favourite for A Futile Second Chance, and I got a review from Niki asking whether I'll be continuing Unmundane Games. I wanted to work on Order of Sparda tonight, but to do that I need to login to my FFN account.

And guess what.

You forgot your password?

I can't login because it asks me to prove that I'm human.

Oh. Well. I certainly can't help you out with that one.

Now the problem is that IT DOESN'T SHOW ME THE FRIGGIN WORDS. I refresh, refresh again, and again and again and again, and it just DOESN'T show me anything. So, I can't login. Not without getting blocked from my account, anyway.

Oh. And on a non-writing topic: I chatted to A today. He's my contact at NT.

I thought you were lying when you said you have contacts.

Nah. I'm cool. I got contacts in all the right circles. -devious-

I'll call your bluff.

And I'll call your mother. A is one of the guys on the team for the game. He does the...agh...what do they call it again. Today has been such a bad day for my English vocab, seriously. Er...the gameplay testing? Basically he observes gamers come in to play what they've got to determine what is good and what is not good for the game. So I believe the rumour that it will be released early next year isn't that far fetched, if they're already doing that kinda stuff. Unless that's like one of the first things they do. I dunno. But that's all I can say without breaching our confidentiality clause.

Your what?

You know, where he comes after me for blurping this little treat and kills me in my sleep. XDDDDD

Crazy! Won't he lose his job?

Well, no, he wouldn't. Because who's to say I'm not just spewing absolute nonsense right now? I could be lying and just trying to look cool.

...is it Adam?

Huh? No. What? Adam isn't a game developer and he doesn't work for NT either. A just represents contact A.

Then who's contact B?

The portugese maffia. *insert smug look here*

How'd you get involved with them?

I'll tell you...but then I'll have to kill you.

Anyway. No writing for me tonight. It's nearly midnight and my mind is growing foggy, so no more beta work either. I actually caught myself correcting a mistake and then crossing out my own correction. So...yeah, I'm done for tonight. I just wanted to come rant that when I finally feel like I might be able to write a paragraph on my story, obstacles come in my way and keep me from doing so.

Oh. Well. Can I go sleep now?

Sure. G'night, one and all. =]

[clairavance]

GAAAAH!!!

You have fantastic timing m'dear.

SHURRUP! I have to go make mashed potato and cook up some veggies and hang the laund-

Go peel those potatoes, yer scallywag!

As soon as I sit down to write too

[clairavance]

Dear Diary,

I'm a bit miffed. I take the time and effort to go save my cousin from his crazy ex girlfriend, and what do I get told? I'm gonna get cut. And I wasn't even there for a whole page!

Well, it's not your story and it screws up my plot, so meh. My heart don't bleed for you boy.

I have about 7 minutes to write this bit today, then I have to go chug down some pills to make me feel better, and get ready to go out.

So! I am in the process of rewriting an old novel of mine titled Shadow Legacy. The rewrite is due 28 February, currently it has 40,000 odd words, and I need to have it past the 50k mark by the due date. Because thereafter I have to focus on revising the whole thing again, which needs to be done by 31 March. Which is INSANE, because we're moving house 28 March and 27 March I need to organise a birthday bash like no other. And not to mention the wedding arrangements I need to start making, and all the appointments to make for the programme we've enrolled in. Crazy stuff.

But I'm motivated and inspired to do this. I'll have a few days after the revise, until 6th April, to draft up a synopsis and summary and query letter, and then I'll be mailing it off to agents. Well, either then, or after I've come back from getting married back in South Africa. No point landing an agent in the first week and having to tell them 'oh, I'm out of country, sorry!'

So, yeah. Busy busy busy this year. I just need to find a time when I don't feel like I'm going to pass out or throw up to actually sit down and continue working on my novel. It's going to be great. I don't really care if people like it or not. I'm writing it for myself, with no one in mind, and those are usually the good stories I dish out.

Oh, gosh. My back feels like it's been put out.

One minute to spare. And I'm off.

And Mikael would like to apologize for creeping out Shadow and her family and would still like that pizza ^_^

[Rae]

Wow, you really are in for a busy year. I hope your writing, moving, and wedding go well. *also hopes you feel better* -hug-

LOL Aww, poor Mix. Well...at least you're not like one of my characters that was completely wiped from a story she was in a lot of. :/ And at least you didn't die. Right? -hug- *gives pizza* Thankies, again for the apology. ^^;
Can I--? *drop kicks Dante before he can finish asking for pizza* *snickers*

[clairavance]

Writer rant to follow.

You mean Julian-fangirl rage to follow.

Shurrup Mix.

____________________________
Aislinn stopped walking: he still held her hand, like an anchor to keep her from leaving. They were standing outside The Comix Connexion.

"We met here." He caressed her cheek with his free hand. "I chose you here. In this spot."

She smiled languidly, and suddenly she became aware that she was happier than she should be.

Focus. Something was wrong. Focus. She bit her cheek, hard. Then she said, "I gave you your dance, and you gave me your word. I know what I want from you..."

He ran his fingers through her hair. "What can I give you, Aislinn? Shall I weave flowers in your hair?"

He opened his hand, letting go of her hair. An iris blossom sat in the palm of his hand. "Shall I bring you necklaces of gold? Delicacies mortals can only dream of? I'll do all those things anyway. Don't waste your wish."

"No. I don't want any of that, Keenan." She stepped back, putting more distance between them, trying to ignore the cry of gulls that she heard under the rhythm of waves. "I just want you to leave me alone. That's all."

He sighed, and she wanted to weep at how sad she suddenly felt. Faery tricks, it's all faery tricks.

She scowled. "Don't do that."

"Do you know how many mortals I've wooed in the past nine centuries?" He stared in the window at a display for the release of yet another vampire movie.
_________________________________________________

Now, what I will admit to is that this guy is not only trying too hard to 'seduce' her (and failing at it, miserably) but he's also incredibly arrogant. Comparing his character here to Julian, Julian is a lot more selfish ("quick, make a wish Jenny, you might not get another chance") and mysterious ("that'd be telling") and modest ("there have been others more beautiful") and confident ("you will give in"). And yeah, his confidence verges on arrogance but that's more an assumption the reader makes rather than the character throwing it in your face in black and white. So, NO, Keenan has got nuthin on Julian.
But this scene made me go ARE YOU FRIGGIN KIDDING ME?!?!
This is like....like an audition to play the part of Julian, gone horribly wrong! I mean...I'm not the only who thought 'this exchange hits wayyyy too close to home', am I? It reminds me of the scene where Jenny meets the Erl King - you know THAT one? Where she's tricked by him because of the rose, and he touches her CHEEK, and she realises that he TRICKED her, and she TURNS HIM DOWN?
And that's the other thing - the ERL KING. When you think elves, what's the next thing you think of? Fairies, right? Funny that some of the fairies in the book also have deformities like the dark elves do!
And what's more, it's like this person has taken Jenny and Julian and just twisted the story around - Julian wants to make Jenny his queen of the shadows and he resorts to a GAME to get her. Keenan wants to make Aislinn his SUMMER queen but it's also a 'game' to him and everyone involved. Not to mention the little characteristic quirks of Julian being mentioned time and again in this book, which seem so out of place for Keenan but smacks of Julian.

And when I read that scene, it sooo just makes me think 'fanfiction'. It's fanfiction written by a feminist. Jenny standing up to Julian and telling him off. I don't know, maybe it IS just me, but I wasn't reading this looking for similarities to TFG. It's like Twilight - the details that are so obviously copy-cat, could have been taken straight out of VD and just written a little differently to avoid getting sued for plagarism. When a book reminds you too much of one you've already read, there's something WRONG with it.

Good golly gosh. Writers are really in need of a wake-up call when they can't hide the sources of their inspiration. I love L.J.Smith, and her work has inspired plenty of my own. Will I ever copy-cat an idea of hers? Hell no! Partially because I'd be petrified she'd come after me and get me in my sleep, but mostly because it's NOT fair play. I wouldn't be proud of publishing something that smacks of someone else's work.

....

Feel better?


....I'll tell you in the morning.