An Annoyance of Muses

[Elindë]

I heard you were reading The Hobbit while waiting for the plane yesterday...

-nervously- Yeees; the plane was 2 hours late.

-picks up copy of said book that Eli stupidly keeps on her desk- So where did you get up to?

-with a feeling of impending doom- Flies and Spiders

-smiling- Shall we continue? -opens book at said page- Are we sitting comfortably, children? Then I shall begin.

-gives up all hope-

-begins reading- 'They walked in single file. ...'

nyyyyyy

-some time later-

'In a great cave some miles within the edge of Mirkwood on its eastern side there lived at this time their greatest king.' Aww, that's nice of him! -winks- I'll tell His Majesty that.

Phooooeeeeenix, you can shut up now.

'...If the elf-king had a weakness it was for treasure, especially for silver and white gems'

.... -given up- -headdesking with hands over ears-

-a short while later again and in the next chapter-

'"Are the spiders your tame beasts or your pets, if killing them makes you so angry?"
'This of course made the king angrier than ever' 'Angry'? Understatement!

Phoenix please!

That's an annoyingly accurate account... -sucks teeth- Eru, that's annoying.

Can you please stop reading now?!

I have stopped-

I mean altogether. ie Don't start again!

-innocently- I thought you liked the story.

Yes but-

Fine then, I'll go.

You do that!

-begins to leave-

-realises- Phoenix! Before you go, drop the-

-is gone-

-book. ... ... oh -!

[Elindë]

When I go to watch The Hobbit, please can someone remind me to have Phoenix locked up somewhere? I just made the mistake of letting him watch some of the LotR films with me... he finished listing all the things that were wrong about it only to launch into a rant about Bloom that's still going! God, is this Elf ever persuasive... >.<

Exerpt:
... And why exactly does Boromir have ginger hair? It's obvious that he had black hair and grey eyes! He was from the house of Hador -spits- for goodness' sake. And wy does Elrond look so old? Seriously, with makeup that good they could have taken a few years off the actor. And why does Arwen get given everything Glorfindel did? Where even is Glorfindel in that thing? Arwen didn't do anything apart from make the banner for Aragorn. They even called her horse Asfaloth, the cheek! And why was the council that short? They never said why half the people were there and they didn't even mention Galdor or the Grey Havens. They only say why Boromir was there in the extended edition, nowhere did they say why Gimli was there - and why didn't Gloin say anything? I don't even like Gloin and here I am sticking up for him! - or who told Gandalf to go to Saruman, or why Legolas was there... oh by Eru, don't get me started on Legolas!..

Does anyone have a gag?

[Elindë]

-reads- Reporters were able to catch up with one of the newest Hobbit cast members who is expected to put a dent in the standard that Orlando Bloom has set as The Middle Earth heart throb.

-jumps up on desk- What's this? -reads- -splutters-

-sighs- What now?

I'm sorry but Bloom couldn't be a heart throb if he tried.

There are the odd millions who'd disagree with you there. And we had this conversation yesterday, I swear.

Yes but that was yesterday! He can't use a bow either. 'Faster than sight' -snorts- a snail could fire arrows faster.

... Well he's not actually an Elf is he? Cut the guy some slack.

I see no reason to. He played an Elf therefore he should be as good as us.

What's this?

Urgh, your lovely father is having a Bloom rant.

-rants-

Actually it seems to be an every-actor-who's-played-an-Elf rant.

...And how can this new guy be the new heart throb anyway? He's playing a Dwarf; Dwarves are ugly, fact.

-perches on desk- This is true; they aren't the most attractive of creatures.

They aren't the nicest, either. All of them out to get whatever they want for themselves; they care nothing for others.

... Well, not all of them. Some of them are exceedingly caring.

One! You found one exception to the rule. -huffs- As a whole they are still a vile race.

And what are the odds of the one Dwarf with compassion being chosen? No, Adar, they have different values from us but they are gallant.

-eyes flash- Don't you dare call those murderers 'gallant' in front of me! Have you forgotten everything I told you?

No but now I have seen them for myself-

You are going to disregard what they did to us in Doriath?

No of course not! But they were after the Silmaril; it clouded their judgment-

'But but but'. They are murderers, hin-

B-

they killed everyone; men, women, children. Drove us out of our home and you dare to stand up to them against me?!

That was a long time ago-

Not for us-

We are immortal, sire, we can't hold grudges over ages that to others are out of mind. The Dwarves now are barely descended from the Dwarves then

-spits on floor- They are their direct descendent's and they know it. They sit in their mountain laughing at us.

No they don't; you're just paranoid

-start shrieking at each other in Sindarin-

-hides under desk-

[Elindë]

I finally know who you got your facades from! -dances-

What do you want, a medal?

Alright. That or a word of congratualtions from you.

I'll work on the medal.

-bitch-slaps-

-grins- I wish there was a way Saeros could visit the Muses' Realm. -laughs- They think I'm bad tempered. Actually that wouldn't be a good idea; seeing as the dead can't die again he'd just wage war with everyone who annoyed him.

ie Everyone

Pretty much.
No! I liked Saeros, he was a fine person. Maybe I should mimick him for my new personna...

Oh god, please no.

Whyever not?

Because he's scary and you'll get yourself killed.

-wrinkles nose- I probably would actually, yes. -shrugs- Original plan then.

-breathes sigh of relief-

But Saeros is one person I wouldn't mind sharing muse-hood with...

Because you'd be too scared to say 'no'.

-glares- ...but that's not going to happen; he wouldn't agree and I can't talk to the dead.

-silence-

Eru, I miss him. -hugs knees- Men are bastards.

... Technically it was Saeros'- -is glared at- Yeah... Men are bastards.

[Elindë]

-walks along landing, pointing in my general direction and looking confused-

>.< I knew there was something I had to tell him -coughs- -looks innocent-

You've moved.

Yeah, I forgot to tell you; the old spare room's the new study.

-looks back at the room that was the study until this morning- But... meheh! So what's the old study now?

Well it will be my room at some point but I don't think anything else is moving for a while.

But... but you can't just move the study!

Not everyone's studies are a sea of papers, Phoenix.

So... -puts fingertip on my desk- -looks accusing- So what will your room be then?

The spare room.

-still bemused-

Look, don't be like that! How many times have you moved your people now?

-looks sheepish- I don't know.

And of course moving a whole civilisation is easier than moving a few pieces of furniture.

-perches on desk- Well no, but

And having to build a whole new palace when you finally settled down

Yes, yes, alright! But there was a point to that-

There's a point to this! Larger spare room. And I'll be as good as sleeping in the attic -grins-

-sighs- -looks around- I see you haven't moved your maps...

I know! I miss them terribly.

[Elindë]

No, Phoenix, I am not making Pellinore schizophrenic!

But now I've suggested it you can't stop thinking about it. And it works so well and you're used to writing 'schizophenic' elf-kings.

-sits on floor with hands over ears-

Come November you won't be able to believe that he was ever anything other than 'schizophrenic'.

-already can't get the idea out of her head- I hate you. I hate you so much!

[Elindë]

Phoenix? Can you think of a name for a watchkeeper?

A what-keeper?

Watch.

-blank-

A watch.... it's like a small clock that can go on a chain or a strap. This one's on a chain.

-blank-

You do know what clocks are, don't you?

-nods- Maaaaeee. I've never seen why Men need to know the time so precisely but I've seen and used them before.

Good. So a watch is a tiny clock that you can put in your pocket or-

-eyes wide- You can put it in your pocket?

Yeah, well that's the whole point of them; they're small enough that you can carry them around.

-grins in amazement-

Look, it's not that novel; Bilbo had one-

He did?

Yes-

-muttering- Time you can put in your pocket. You can put time itslef in your pocket. Ingenius.

I'll take all that as a 'no' then, shall I?

[Elindë]

-sheepishly- Eli?

Mhmm?

I... I don't know as I'll go back to the muses' realm.

-surprised- Why ever not?

-sits in vacant chair and swings slightly- It's so stressful there and my life's stressful enough already. I don't understand anyone or anything and I don't think anyone will miss me. I know I don't miss any of them.

What about Callier? I've heard from Chaos that she's missing you.

-winces- Yeah, I do miss her, I guess (ie he misses her quite a bit) But she's hardly ever there and she's only one person.

...But I love RPing with you...

Do you? Do you really? We always fall out of threads.

Because you don't understand what's going on.

-flicks his head- And that's not going to change. -leans forwards- Please don't make me!

-amused- You think I can make you do anything?!

-smiles slightly nervously- -waits for an answer-

Right... how about I don't give you a date to come back

-perks up-

but this isn't the last of my questioning.

-nods- -leans on his knees- It's just... I don't get anything out of it... and you're typing this up? You bitch!

Well if people want to know this kind of thing I'm sure this conversation is high on the list.

-scowls- Fine; but I'm not changing my mind.

[Elindë]

Before you go..!

-turns- -sighs- Man?

I've found it!

-smiles- -takes a cloer look- -grins- laughs- What on Arda posessed them to do that?

I don't know! But what I do know is that if they did that to an innocent head of hair what are they going to do to your bordering-on-the-rediculous wreath?

-smile slowly fades to be replaced by a deep scowl- You have a way of bringing people down, don't you? -leaves in a huff-

-yelling after him- 'Ask not for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.'

[Elindë]

I don't suppose you know when Elven New Year is by my calendar?

I don't suppose I do.

So I suppose I'm going to have to look it up?

I suppose you are.

-searches web-... Well that failed.

-perches on desk- It was around when Taur-nu-Fuin was re-renamed; does that help?

Yes! Yes it does! -gets Unfinished Tales Right.... Index... Thranduil... -book practically falls open at the right page-

-starts laughing- I love how you're looking for the date of New Year and you've somehow managed to have to search for him.

-glares- Well who renamed Taur-nu-Fuin?

-falls off desk from laughing- I can't believe you're asking me this!

-huffs- Well exactly! And have you any idea how many references to Celeborn there are in here? -gestures to book-

No but-

A lot! Now shut up; I've lost the page.

-lying on floor, still giggling- Tragic!

... I don't know which reference it is! I'll go for the last... I don't know how you can stand to be here.

-can't move; his sides ache-

No, the last reference is for a note...and the penultimate is about Gollum! -has hissy fit-

Oh dear-

'Orcs assailed the realm of Thranduil'... nope, not it either.

Maybe it's not there-

'Thranduil and Celeborn renamed Mirkwood'... there's no date!!!

-rolls around on floor, laughing-

Right, we're now in the Appendix called 'History of Celeborn and Galadriel'-

Is that a good thing?

Shut. Up. -a short while later- Meheh! Amdir is spelt with an accent.

Well obviously....

But that means I've been spelling it wrong!!!

Keep referring to the text, my dear girl.

-headdesks- But why didn't you tell me?

-evil grin- Because you know everything already! Seriously, when I first started... badgering you that really freaked me out.

Oh oh, wait, I've got to the ultimate 'aww' passage.

''Aww' passage'? -props self up on elbows-

'Former servants and worshipers of Sauron, they were released now from his tyranny, but not from the evil and darkness that he had set in their hearts.' Are you sure you don't know the rough dates of Elven New Year.

Yes.... why wouldn't I be?

'But in Thranduil's heart there was a still deeper shadow.'

-purses lips- You shouldn't undermine a king's authority like that.

He'll never know. -smiles sweetly- Phoenix, when is Elven New Year?

Sometime in March/April-

When in March/April?

I don't know; it moves.

'He had seen the horror of Mordor and could not forget it.'

-leaps up- Eli, how dare you sweep away his reputation like that?!

-blinks- I take the Mick out of everyone from Arda and I mean everyone. Besides it's adorable.

But he isn't 'adorable'-

Ah, look! 'Elven New Year'; it's here in the Index...

-stares daggers-

'corresponded more or less with Shire April 6th' So first week of April then. But then another converter says it was the 28th March.

-through gritted teeth- Well it's the 30th today

therefore it must be the first week of April.Strange: I always thought it was the second... ah well. -closes book- -ignores the clenched fists and glares- Forget I said anything.

Which story do you need it for, anyway?

Oh, I don't; I just had a suspicion there was a large event for you coming up and I was right, wasn't I? -grins-

Mae, and you won't see me from now until then! -storms out-

-grin fades-

[Elindë]

(from before ^ conversation. reminded of it by talking to Chaos
what happens when two peeved people get together)

Phoenix, please-

No.

But-

You said I didn't have to!

I know but I feel like I'm slipping away from everyone because I'm not RPing.

RP with someone else; I'm not rejoining.

But I can't RP with other people as well as I can with you-

You're shit at RPing with me

Exactly! I need your help if I'm to be in with any chance of staying in RPs

When the thread you promised me is up and running I'll think about it. You've failed a promise too.

Fine, fine. Give me your word that when I ask for the RP and it's put up you'll come back.

-folds arms-

Phoenix

Why should I? No one misses me.

-sighs- We've had this argument before.

And it hasn't changed from the conclusion last time, which wasn't exactly a cheerful one if I recall.

No one's going to care about you if they never see you.

-looks away-

You know I'm right.

So what if you are? -angry- So what if they don't care about me? The feeling's mutual. And you''re not the most proactive person on here either. If you did any less I'd swear you'd left too.



... idk what to do to get him back... not feeling great myself. So maybe like this if you miss him? I know it's cliche but I can't think of anything else.

[Basil]

=S I hope you don't mind sneaking in. I can delete this post later.

>.< *sad* Maybe a petition would be more helpful? *could get a few signatures from a few muses*

*looks around*

[Elindë]

Maybe if people like the above post on behalf of their muses.. or maybe... yeah:

post below with the names of your muses who miss the self-centred git

or

like the like post if your muses wish to keep their indentity secret.

Personally I think he's just looking for attention like a child and everyone should ignore him... but I want him to come back more...

[Rae]

Me and all my muses miss him....

[Elindë]

-listening to an audiobook minding her own business-

-These are the prisoners, O King.
- Indeed. Loose their bonds; they need no ropes here

-bounds up-

>.<

-takes an earphone out of my ear! sheesh-

-There is no escape from my magic doors for those who are once brough inside.
- What have we done, O king? Is it a crime to be lost in the forest, to be hungry and thirsty, to be attacked by spiders? Are the spiders your pets that killing them makes you so angry?

-in time with the tape- It is a crime to wander in my realm without leave! Do you forget that you were in my kingdom using the path that my people made? Did you not three times-..?

Wait wait, what? -brain explosion-

My thoughts exactly, they've changed it -

-Did you not twice attack my people?

That ain't right.

-still putting brain back together-

...That bit's right... and that bit... Looks like I'll have to learn this version for next time. -grins-

I...

Mae?

... -sighs- Nothing.