An Annoyance of Muses

[Elindë]

-comes in looking dead on his feet- -half sits, half collapses on top of the chest of drawers-

Bad day?

-grunts-

OH, of course! It's your opening night tonight, isn't it?

I feel sick.

Come on! You told me that singing and acting were your passion

-groans-

And that given the choice, you'd rather they be your job than ruling.

-sounding as though on th verge of tears- They were, but I can't remember everything and everyone will be looking at me!

You don't know that-

Eli; there aren't any other kings in this production! I'm going to mess up and it'll be all everyone will talk about for months.

Chaffinch says you were one of the best actors in your troop back in Doriath.

That was millennia ago! I was a lot younger then... and I haven't performed since I became prince let alone king. Yet another reason for everyone to scrutinise me; look, there's the elvenking, on stage for the first time in six millennia and missing his marks.

...Are your parts the ones you were practicing a few days ago?

-nods- 4 scenes, 3 songs - 2 of which are solos,4 dances. -sniffs-

... and for how long is the show on?

Every evening for 7 weeks.

Oo You're going to be exhausted!

-nods- -thwacks head repeatedly against wall-

-alarmed- That's not going to help anything!

-starts crying silently-

Look, stop worrying; you'll be fine.

-enter Lasgalen-

Hullo? You in this show too?

Me?! Heavens no; I'm not that stupid. Oh, suilad, Ada

-hides face in hands- I thought you were visiting Erebor? (Safely out of the way)

Oh I was, but I'm not exactly going to miss my father's opening night, am I?

You haven't brought any Dwarves back with you, have you?

-silence-

-slumps down- Kill me now.

I haven't brought anyone with me, Ada...

-removed hands from face and glares-

You'll be fine! -turns to leave again- Oh, but Elrond, Celeborn and the rest will be watching. -leaves-

-pulls hair out and screams-

[Elindë]

-pull hair out and silently scream together-

Wait, what the hell are you worked up about?

English essays

...Fair enough

-carry on-

[Elindë]

-drags in Galion- Could you possibly talk some sense into this idiot?

Why? What's he done?

-grins-

He's trying to get me to dye my hair auburn!

-rolls eyes- The ultimate crime! Sheesh, Phoenix, for a moment I thought it was serious-

This is serious! Auburn hair is for Dwarves, not Elves.

Don't you think it would suit him though, Eli.

Shut up!

No no, I think Galion has a point. -drops Galion and advances on Eli, pushing his sleeves up- -holds hands up- BUT it would clash with your coat.

-stops- Exactly! It would clash with my whole wardrobe!

-rolls eyes again- You have dyed your hair black on occasion despite the scary resemblance to Gorthaur, and brown on other despite Gil-Galad. Why not give auburn a shot?

Because, you imbecile, I'm in the middle of this Valar-forsaken production!

Not going well then?

I'd rather eat my own foot off that sign up for it again!

[Elindë]

-appears in full stage makeup, half in normal clothes and half in costume-

You look exhausted.

-nods- I'm too old for theatre like this. Still; 15 down-

34 to go.

... Hannon-le. -settles in Dad's desk chair (there's now stuff atop the drawers)- How are you liking Nathaniel?

He's cool. You could have waited a few months before showing him to me.

-grins-

Is he the more evil facets of your personality, by any chance?

-grin broadens- Originally, but he's evolved a little already.

How so?

Well I'm don't suffer from deprivation-

Privation.

-looks confused-

Well it depends if he ever formed an attachment with his mo-

-waves hand- I don't need any of your psychology c--p. You'll be banging on about my being schiziopreanic

Schizophrenic.

-glares-

I only 'bang on about it' because you are.

I'm not!

Ever heard the phrase 'in denial'? -shrugs- But I guess the word doesn't exist for you... and it doesn't change anything.

Finally, she's realised!
So how are you anyway? Sorry I haven't been around much; this production will be the death of me!

I've got a sore throat

Awww

Shut up! You don't even know what a sore throat feels like-

I do! Some orc managed to get their dagger down there once. Scratched all the way down to-

Alright!

-grins impishly-
I see you have snow, too.

Uh huh. Going to play in it?

Hell no! I'll have drifts of the stuff to deal with come January. Drifts! In a forest!

I'll tell you one thing; if it's sheet ice tomorrow, I'm not going into school. Half day just isn't worth it.... and I have double French.

-frowns- Mae, don't break your leg or anything like that. It takes you mortals aaaages to heal. And I'll tell you something; I've figured out that I can't look like Lucius Malfoy.

Why's that?

Because he looks more like my father than anyone else and I look like my mother.

... You can't fault that logic.

I know, and neither can you.

-sigh- You as in 'one, any given person', not as in 'you personally'. -smiles- Stop being difficult!

Impossible! -laughs- Well, I'll be back later; some of the other troupe members are planning a dance off and I need to go and win.

How cocky can you get.

What? It's dancing, therefore the Sinda will win; it's a fact.

-smiles- Go on, get out of here. But come back soon, mind. And that's my 'soon', not your 'soon'.

Damn, plan scuppered. And I was joking about the dagger down my throat, by the way. -leaves-

[Elindë]

So on facebook everyone is changing their profile picutres to cartoon characters in support for the NSPCC.

I'll pretend I know what Facebook is.

-shows him-

Still lost.

Well anyway, at the moment mine is of Kayley and Garrett from Quest for Camelot.

Good good. And why are you telling me this?

Well I was wondering if I should change it.

To what?

-evil grin-

-screams-

-evil cackle-

Change it and I'm leaving. For ever. And I mean it.

-laughs even more- I never would... it's just your face!

-looks ever so slightly insane- No respect, that's your problem; no respect for your betters.

[Elindë]

-hears rummaging- Phoenix? What you doing? -goes into bedroom and finds him in her crown chair, nose in The Hobbit- No, no! That's dangerous!

-looks up- I'm just reading!

-holds out hand- Give it back!

-gives that copy back and goes to get another-

And that one.

-sighs- Are we going to do this 22 times?

If you get another copy 22 times, yes!

-dances away, still reading-

-follows him- Phoenix, please.

Is this what you don't want me to see? -points to line; '...there lived at this time their greatest king.'-

-groans-

I don't see why you think it'll affect me. -puts book down in study- Ooh, Unfinished Tales -picks that up-

-sits in chair- I give up.

-a short while later- LIES!

What?

'But there was in -'s heart a still deeper shadow. He had seen the horror of Mordor and could not forget it.' -mutters-

You should be flattered! It's a sympathetic reading-

Sympathetic my foot! -storms out-

Well I did warm you! Idiot.

[Elindë]

-Lasgalen and Chaffinch appear, dragging a drunk Galion between them-

Can we just put this one down here? Thanks-

Whoa, whoa, why?

Because if Eldu sees he's been at the wine again there'll be trouble.

And this isn't the second place he'll look?

-look at each other-

But you are good with calming Ada down-

Only because he's against hitting women.

-waves hand- Well we've got him here now; it'll be more trouble to move him again.

And also completely pointless.

Heher- -thinks- oh shit!

-walks around Galion- Which was it?

-cringe-

-looks up and raises eyebrow- No wonder you didn't want me to know. -kneels down, takes Galion by the shoulders and shakes him- Wake up! You foolish.... Silvan; wake. -shakes harder-

I think something just clicked...

That's not good, Eldu

-stops shaking his friend and slaps him across the face instead- Galion!

-still asleep-

-slaps him again-

-still asleep-

-rocks back on haunches and thinks again- -looks up at Eli- I do appologise for this... fiasco.

It's nothing. Don't worry-

The price of what he's drunk will have to be got back.

Dock his pay?

-glances to his son- Oh, I'll dock his pay and more besides! -to Galion- Don;t you ever learn? -gets up- -to Lasgalen and Chaffinch- You two, take him back.

Why us?

You brought him here! -gets up, muttering- Really not in the mood for this! Foolish, wine-drinking, hell-raising...

-leave with Galion-

You're not going to do anything... untoward to him, are you?

-snorts- Of course not! I couldn't; he's my gwador! [non-blood brother] -sighs- Though I don't know what I am going to do; I threw him in the stream last time-

Tha doesn't sound too bad-

And didn't let him out for a whole night.

... That's... torture

-glares- He elected for it!

What were the other options?

Beig put on outpost duty, cleaning, that sort of thing.

And he chose the river?

Mae.

Would you have chosen the river?

Mae.

-grins-

[Elindë]

The Hobbit films charactersThe Hobbit films cast

-looking at first link-

I'm not in it! -needs a hug-

-hugs Galion- I shouldn't worry about it too much; saves you being played half-heartedly by a mere mortal.

But... I should be in it! I was important! I...

Iston. You'll just have to help me poke whoever the rest of us get.

-sniffs-

With a big stick.

-smiles a bit- But...

It doesn't even matter! What do we care about this world? No offense, Eli

-glares- How can I make a manip including Galion if he's not been played by anyone?

You could-

You know I can't draw well enough!

Practice!

-scowls-
But I don't get it - Bloom's supposed to be coming back for it but there's no mention of Legolas.

Oh.... please no -faints-

-clicks on second link- -scrolls down to bottom- 'Unconfirmed... Viggo Mortensen - Aragorn'

-look at each other-

How?! He's nine!

This is going to be one spacked up retelling. -scrolls up- 'Radagast "The Grey"'

But he's brown.

Uh huh; spacked up retelling.

[Elindë]

Phoenix?

-no reply-

Phoenix I know you're here! And I need your help with this RP character...

No!

Huh?

He has a whip, therefore I'm not helping!

-follows voice- -finds him on the shelf in her wardrobe- -laughing- Get down!

-glares-

Why are you even here if you don't want to help me? Why aren't you at home?

...The dwarves are bothering me...

Ah.
Look come down! That shelf'll collapse under your weight!

But he's got a whip!

It's a picture, Phoenix.

...You sure?

Possitive.

He's not going to get me?

-shakes head-

...Fine -gets down- I'll think about it.

[Elindë]

It's New Year soon

-lying on floor- No it's not; months to go yet

-sighs- My new year, not your new year. Yours is in April, no?

Meh, I think so. -can't be bothered to learn our calendar- Well, the Elves are celebrating it in April still. Gondor celebrate in around March because Aragorn moved it-

I know

- because he's a prick.

-splutters-

Well he is! Why did he have to move the new year?

Uh, because that's the day that Sauron fell. You of all people should be celebrating that.

Oh I am! I'm celebrating it as the day Sauron fell, not as New Year. Leave New Year alone and you get two public holidays rather than one. -smiles- I like them; only days I officially get off.

-sighs-

Kings don't get annual leave, you know.

[Elindë]

Someone looks tired! Has someone stolen your concealer again?

-glares- No; I'm just fed up with wearing makeup.

Woh! Let me write that down! 5th January; Phoenix said he was 'fed up with wearing makeup'

-watches her, tiredly- Very funny. But nothing you can do or say will put me in a bad mood; it's my last night tonight and after the show I'm going to bed and not getting up until the day after tomorrow.

The bed will have quite a shock; Galion told me you haven't been within three feet of it for four months.

-makes indistinct sound of protest-

And that he caught you catnapping on your throne a few days ago.

-mutters- Mae, well I'd like to see him on stage 49 evenings in a row.

You can't be that tired... you keep sending me original ideas.

Yeeers-

like Hemlock and co. -stares accusingly-

-sighs- -knew Hemlock was marching in the direction of the conversation (most likely with a gleeful, impish smile on his face)-

Don't get me wrong, he's immense. But why does he have to belong to a different story to the ones you've already given me?

-tiredly- Hemlock isn't one of mine.

-surprised- He's not?

-shakes head- Look at him; king because of fashion rather than diplomatics, an amazing yet irksome wit, a crown of bluebells in summer and yew berries in autumn. He's like me but not like me...

Almost a caricature of someone's impression of you.

-nods- Now who do you know who has an impression of me like that?

-realises- Galion!

Mae-

Please tell me he isn't being all musey, too?!

I don't know anything but I think he had the idea and gave it to you for development. Such ideas aren't welcomed in Arda; there are the Elvenkings and there are stories about them, but not about Elves and whole races of Elves who don't exist. We have a different attitude to storytelling. Well, I say different, but if you think about it most stories set in a normal Earth are set in a real country even if the places the action takes place in are made up.

-nods- I get what you mean. But why didn't he just tell you to tell me?

-starts tyeing his fingers in knots- I think he tried... I've been pretty tense recently. But now you know about Hemlock anyway... -props himself up on desk- I was thinking maybe we should go full-blown and have a really fantastical world? With Elves, Men, goblins, wolves, the works! But dragons are a bit cliche in your world, no?

Well so are Elves-

-waves hand- No no, we're too amazing to ever be cliche. I was thinking instead of a dragon we could have.... -pauses for dramatic effect- ...a phoenix.

-looks nonplussed- Really?

-nods- On the side of good, of course.

I don't know....

Please? It'd be brilliant! A phoenix at Hemlock's beck and call

So you, 'Phoenix' the Elf, are suggesting an actual phoenix to be under the mastery of Elves?

Yup.

... No, that's weird.

Come on! Please!

No.

Pleeeease!

No.

Just for one story!

-getting annoyed- That was supposed to be a short story but, with your help - don't deny it! - has become another novel-worthy one. And you're asking for another favour? If, if there is a phoenix in this thing

-grins-

I get to choose it's name.

...

And it will be called Star Shadow

-pause- No

Yes

No!

Yes! And that's short for-

Shut up!

What?

Just shut. up.

-glare at each other-

[Elindë]

I've been thinking...

I thought you promised not to give me any ideas until Thursday.

I did; this isn't a new idea, never fear!

That wasn't what I meant. I meant any ideas, development, characterisation, names, places, battle scenes, nothing!

But you only specified ideas, which I took to mean new ones. Like I'd give you a new idea; I want to meet Hemlock.

Oh no....

-grins- I have a feeling we'll get on like a house on fire. People in the same line of work tend to.

Apart from you and Galadriel.

-shrugs- She's not a sovereign.

Or your father and Gil-Galad

-smile fades- Gil-Galad was a ponce.

Look who's talking.

Now- -sits down and waggles finger- Gil-Galad had no idea about battle tactics. We were standing their waiting when we could have been fighting.

And you agreed with him. Didn't you try to talk your father out of overruling Gil-Galad's comand?

-freezes-

'Please, father, think logically! If we go now you'll get your head kicked in.'

-glares-

Well?

-icily- I must have removed that from my memory.

Good thing others remembered. Midn you you made the self same mistake

-growls-

It's just a fact.

-twitches-

And look; you're distracting me again.

Yes, because you're doing so much revision transcribing this conversation onto that stupid forum thing.

Well I'm taking a break now - I've been revising for 5 hours!

That's nothing. I've been to meetings where they've just decided who's going to talk first 5 hours in.

Yes but be fair; the meeting was between 5 Elves, 2 Istari and 3 Ents.

How do you know?

You moaned about it at the time.

-grins- That was the only time Celeborn & Galdriel and I have staged an argument.

-grins too- Look, can you please not give me any snippetsthat are story related until Thursday?

Why not?

We've been through this! Do you want me to fail my psychology exam?

Quite frankly; yes. I have no wish to be psycho-analysed next year.

It doesn't take a genius to work out something's not right with you though. ...Sorry.

-sighs-

But four days. Can you not tell me anything for four days?

-muses- Well I'm supposed to be meeting with the Lakemen sometime this fortnight.

Well go and meet with them tomorrow then!

I would but I don't really want to.

-frustrated- Why not? I thought you liked them!

I do! But the reason they're calling the meeting now is that Thorin's visiting too. He's worse than his namesake, seriously.

[Elindë]

PHOENIX!

-appears, sulking- What?

Just how long ago was it that I asked you not to give me anymore ideas?

Uh.... sorry, I don't break up the day as much as you-

Just over 4 hours ago.

Oh. How long's that?

An eighth of a day. I say four days.

Well sohree.

Not yet you're not. -grabs front of his tunic- And I don't think Hemlock's going to like you very much - if he comes at all - if you've dreamt up all these torture methods for him.

Not dreamt; remembered.

If you're looking for sympathy, go somewhere else.

I'd love to, believe me, but you've got hold of my clothes. It's very bad manners to summon someone and then threaten them you know. Especially someone of my standing. And besides, you don't frighten me.

-lets go-

-straightens out his clothes- Sticks and stones, adaneth. Well, I'm pretty impressed that I came up with all those ideas in the space of an hour. And actually I did come up with the drowning simulation-

-dies a little inside- sinks down in chair, head propped over its back- -looks at ceiling and closes eyes- Waterboarding.

What?

It's called 'waterboarding' and I'm not writing it in.

Why not?

Just because.

-turns to leave- Actually, on second thought I don't think I did invent that; I think one of the Elves or Men I knew way back when had it done to him. Cuio vae! -leaves-

-breathes out- Thank god.

[Elindë]

-leans on the desk to Eli's right- Who's David Tennant?

O.o 'Who's David Tennant?' Only one of the best actors around! -plays Doctor Who clip-

Ah right. I can understand your excitement. So who's he supposed to be playing? -changes tab- Oh. -pauses- What does 'In talks' mean?

I guess it means he isn't confirmed yet.

Ah, okay. -looks at character list- By Eru, this is messed up! I mean -counts (on fingers XD)- 5 of these people aren't even mentioned in the book. And where is Bard?

I have no idea-

Seriously though, where is he? Of all these people -runs finger down part of list that includes the 10 just-there Dwarves, the added characters and Beorn- he's the most important. I mean he kills Smaug, for goodness' sake!

They migt make Legolas do that? -dies inside at the meer suggestion-

-laughs hollowly- He wishes. Who's playing him? Ah, Bloom again. Which means Tennant's got a chance of being the new eye-candy!

You'd love that.

-is selectively deaf-

And besides, eye-candy implies that he can't act and Tennant can sure as hell act.

Can he shout?

Yup.

Good. When are they filming?

I think... they're starting in February.

When you're in France?

Most likely.

-smiles- Well tell me the line up then.

Does this mean you're going to stop bugging me about it?

For now.

Oh, oh, before you go....

-stops and sighs-

I need your help in writing the next chapter of Phoenix i Malthen.

Why?

Because you know what happened...

-sarcasticly- Yees, because people in comas are aware of what's happening around them.

Actually there's evidence that that is actually the case.

-glares- Well it wasn't with me! I'll see if I can get Chaffinch to help.

[Elindë]

-coughs- Heads up, guys; Phoenix is reinventing his Muses' Realm personna. He, Galion, Chaffinch and a few others are mulling it over at the minute. I have some idea of the facade they're going for but nothing's concrete yet. I think he's just trying to detatch himself more... be more aloof. But meh... -hopes he doesn't use his kingly facade... that could be problematic in a Muse context-